#467

ok ok bandwagon thing.

THE DARK SIDE SURVEY:


NAME: wawel

DO YOU THINK YOU'RE NORMAL: yes I do thank you.

DO PEOPLE FIND YOU STRANGE: mmm I don’t think so.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD:  He’s real.

DO YOU SIN A LOT:  yes and I’m ashamed of it.

DO YOU BACKSTAB:  nope no need. Side comments pa pwede. minsan minsan…

ARE YOU A GOOD FRIEND:  err cant answer that myself

ARE YOU IN LOVE:  always

ARE YOU YOUNG:  definitely.

EVER BEEN A LEADER OF SOMETHING:  yes

EVER KILLED A LIVING CREATURE:  yes. A cat. Pero bata pa ko nun. I promise I wont do it again.

LAST ODD THING DONE:   experiment with the order of mixing ingredients for a tuna pasta to see which one tastes better. (pasta, ground pepper, tuna, cheese. ground pepper, cheese, tuna, pasta. pasta, cheese, tuna, ground pepper.  ramble ramble). on second thought, ndi siya weird. fun nga e.

DO YOU WEAR MAKE-UP:  nung grad pic a year ago. counted? pilit un ha.

DO YOU REBEL:  may tendency…

EVER STARTED A FIRE:  hmm pouring oil on a frying pan then setting the switch to full tapos iiwanan mo to jebs? Counted? Definitely.

DO YOU THINK YOU'RE EVIL:  I once told  a kid that I don’t eat children like her for dinner; she’s just for dessert.  Children’s parents are what I eat for dinner. Umiyak siya sabay takbo sa nanay.  Shempre deny naman ako.

 -> does this one count?

DO YOU LIKE LYING:  I’m a compulsive liar, esp with matters of the heart. Hehe cant help it for now.

DO YOU REGRET: minsan minsan

DO YOU HAVE A BESTFRIEND:  nah

DO PEOPLE HATE YOU: oh they love me very much thank you. They’re just too shy to admit. 

DO YOU HATE PEOPLE:  hmmm I’m a regular Frodo type perhaps.

CAN YOU KILL SOMEBODY: let’s go discuss that over dinner. Text me.

DO YOU CUT YOURSELF? Yes. Hair. never let other people cut my bangs.

EVER TASTED BLOOD: yesyesyo

DO YOU CARE WHAT OTHERS MAY THINK OF YOU:  minsan..

EVER DONE ANYTHING OCCULT:  pass on this one. My faith already has its set of weird things.

ARE YOU GOTHIC:  nope

DO YOU SMOKE: nope ako pah! Hikain pa ko.

CONSUME DRUGS:  caffeine, salbutamol, aspirin. Counted?

WHAT DO YOU WEAR:  anything. not really particular with clothes

YOUR SKIN COLOR: brown

DO YOU LIKE THE SUN: only its entrance and exit. And the way it chases us on the expressway.

HAVE YOU LOST SOME ONE YOU LOVE:  not yet

HOW DOES GRIEF FEEL:   being locked inside a coffin and being displayed sa gitna ng mall and no one would care to look. Or everyone would look but wont care.

YOUR ROLE MODEL: hmm come to think of it, wla…

YOUR HEART DESIRES TO BE WITH WHOM: wushuu! As if this survey would make me mushy haha

YOU’RE LISTENING TO:   the splash of water sa likod namin. Wawel’s creek.

DO HATE YOURSELF:  madalas for all the clumsy things I say and do. But I’m trying I’m trying to love myself. Value is the more appropriate term I guess.

 

posted by moonbeam at January 27, 2004 01:09 | link | comments (5)

#466

words that struck me that lazy afternoon #1

God offers authentic love.

His devotion is the real deal.

But He won't give you the genuine

 

until

 

you

 

surrender

 

the

 

imitations.

 

           - Max Lucado, A Love Worth Giving

==============

 

for someone too mixed up with a lot of imitations (from the material pdvd's to the essential things), these words pierce. perhaps it's about time. perhaps.

 

posted by moonbeam at January 26, 2004 01:08 | link | comments (2)

#465

things/sights that calmed me today

max the lion-dog. touch the fur around his neck, close your eyes, and think of a lion.

pinoch asking for food

my dad cooking our lunch. sorry, the view from the screen door's not that good.

my mom sleeping on the couch after doing the laundry.

view from my drinking glass. the circle's the bottom of the glass. the man inside the circle's just to show you how images distort the farther they are to the center. ah  ok never mind.

 

 

posted by moonbeam at January 17, 2004 00:41 | link | comments (7)

#464

matagal nang may sipon si nanay ko. nung isang gabi, sobrang barado ung ilong niya, sabi niya ano bang pwede kong gawin para maalis tong bara ng ilong ko? ndi ko na masinga. antagal naman umepekto nung decolgen no-drowse. kainis hindi na ako makatulog ng maayos! sabi naman ni tatay ko, halika masahiin kita. sinapok ni nanay si tatay.

kahuli-hulihan, pinainom namin siya ng gapatak na cuervo (nagmakaawa siya na wag isang buong shotglass). galing kasi sa isang kaibigan ni ate ko yun nung pasko. hindi naman na umiinom si tatay ko kaya nakatambak lang sa amin.

nilunok ni nanay ko. parang naging isang malaking asterisk ung mukha niya. ng matagal. as in. tapos tumawa siya ng tumawa. tumalab daw. instant relief.

kanina, sabi niya, uminom daw uli siya ng cuervo kasi ndi siya makatulog ng maayos dahil sa sipon kagabi. ang galing daw talaga ng jose cuervo sa sipon.

bukas, bibilan ko na siya ng vicks inhaler.

posted by moonbeam at January 17, 2004 00:02 | link | comments (8)

# 463

          She: any chance you can watch kill bill before 3pm tomorrow? With me yun.

 

I was looking forward to watching that film on the big screen for a time now. Not particularly with her, I must make this clear. Being the pre-hollywood John Woo fan that I am, Quentin Tarantino is the next best thing for me. So, I was all prepped up to have another dose of those brainless body counts I’ve been aching for for months now.

 

Besides, I’ve been soaked up with work these previous weeks, and I still got loads more over the weekend. Better grab the chance to unwind.

 

There.

 

Well ok, let’s include in my reasons for looking forward to going out today that year-ender blog I wrote weeks ago, about trying to make up to those people whom I’ve shut out of my life for pathetic reasons.

 

Me: san tayo?

She: sa place to be and be seen! sm city!

Me: kidoki.

 

The day was all set then. We’ve checked the schedule, we’ll hit the 12:30p screening. I’ll be working the whole night of Tuesday with my editing clients and come Wednesday lunchtime, I’m off counting dead bodies with my friend.

 

Wednesday, 11am. Wrapping up my editing session. The dreaded call came.

 

She: uy ininvite din kasi ako ng friend ko e. sa alabang. Sama ka na rin! 12p kitaan.

 

Obviously I won’t make it by 12pm. So here I am alone at the mall now. Watched Kill Bill by myself. And I’m supposed to be around here until 7p to meet with another editing client. She on the other hand went to alabang. Sheesh. Better theaters there anyway. wutever.

 

I’m supposed to analyze these things, but I’m darn too tired and the AC here is blowing like there’s no tomorrow. Can’t. think. straight.

 

The only thing I know is that one part of me is in his favorite corner again. Lamenting. Telling me that I of all people should’ve seen that coming. i told you so. i told you so.

 

By the way, if you mention this article to me in front of many people, right then and there I’ll deny you and I’ll accuse you of being a compulsive liar. Or perhaps when you go turn your back, I’ll slice you open. without any hesitation. You have been warned.

posted by moonbeam at January 14, 2004 18:53 | link | comments (6)

# 462

i had seven shadows.

earlier tonight while waiting for a ride home, i started counting my shadows and from where i stood, i counted seven.  not to mention the moving eighth which appeared whenever a bus passed by in front of me.  at that moment, i was seven shadows richer than most of the people  standing there with me at the shed.

not bad, not bad. 

posted by moonbeam at January 10, 2004 23:24 | link | comments (7)

# 461: city lights poetry

City lights from a distance twinkle like stars. And if you squint a bit more, you won't be able to tell the difference; only the sad realization that the more beautiful one is probably already an illusion.

If poets find inspiration among the stars, then perhaps the city lights deserve a line or two of poetry too.

Maybe something about the thought that each of the lights hold a story. about the people around it. or the people that made it. or those who want to turn it off.

Maybe a little less romantic, but equally able to stir even the heart of a tired traveller who on a normal day has no time for such .

Maybe some other time i'll go attempt to make one. But for now, i'll just appreciate my view.

And do the things i ought to do.

posted by moonbeam at January 09, 2004 01:37 | link | comments (4)

#460

Pink: You see the world in bright pink. The world is a happy, happy place! You love all people and things!! Life is great! You're just like a happy child. Spread the cheer. wutever. if you feel gullible tonight, go take this test.

posted by moonbeam at January 06, 2004 21:08 | link | comments (3)

# 460:

baguio pics with a dash of pickled thoughts

would've loved to bring this home.

 

A trek through foggy roads along with your friends to chat along with and Someone watching over us. what else would i need?   Looking at these children, i was reminded of a few good friends that i've lost contact with some 15 years ago...   Sometimes, in the middle of our busy lives, God gives us a millisecond of peace.and it's enough for us to endure the rest of  the day.         This year, may He give some mountaintop experiences to us all.     next time, you guys bring the cam, i'll pose. deal?   God's bonus gift to those who took the time to peer at the window at the end of a tiring day.

 

 

posted by moonbeam at January 06, 2004 16:43 | link | comments (6)

#459

 

Looking back, I’ve made a lot of bad decisions.

 

I rarely arrived on time. Clients were scared to death waiting for me to finish editing their videos. I missed some deadlines.

 

I became too indulgent with my time and money. I pushed myself to become an insomniac. I never kept my promise to clean this computer table. I began to dislike instant coffee.

 

I’ve failed my friends on several occasions. My efforts to catch up with my old friends were substandard. I shut certain people out of my life for pathetic reasons. I refused to answer friends asking about certain details in my life.

 

Several times I slept during our Sunday morning service. I refused to sing the three-fold Amen. I sat down during the pastoral prayer. I demanded many things from God. I became angry at Him. I ignored Him. I took Him for granted. Most of our conversations ended with me snoring.

 

And here I am sitting comfortably, sipping my coffee and asking God to bless this brand new year.   If He was to follow human logic, He would have given me the thunderbolt treatment a long time ago.

 

Grace. It could only be His grace, nothing else.

 

So Lord, as I always should, I offer You this year. Use this year to mold me into the son You want me to be.

 

The only thing I ask, though this scares the hell out of me for some reasons, is that You give me the heart to understand the things You’re going to show me, accept the things You’ll give me, and to listen to the things You want to tell me. A heart to follow You.

 

======================

 

I know, this is way too redundant but i can’t resist writing this down. Maybe I’ll continue doing so until I find another song that’ll speak for me.

 

I thought I did what's right

I thought I had the answers

I thought I chose the surest road

But that road brought me here

So I put up a fight

And told You how to help me

Now just when I have given up

The truth is coming clear

 

You know better than I

You know the way

I've let go the need to know why

For You know better than I.

 

If this has been a test

I cannot see the reason

But maybe knowing I don't know

Is part of getting through.

I try to do what's best

And faith has made it easy

To see the best thing I can do

Is put my trust in You

 

I saw one cloud and thought it was the sky

I saw a bird and thought that I could follow

But it was You who taught that bird to fly

If I let You reach me, Will You teach me

 

For You know better than I

You know the way

I've let go the need to know why

I'll take what answers You supply

You know better than I.

 

- David Campbell

Better Than I

 

Countless times have i forgotten and remembered the heart of this song.   May this blog be a reminder for me to trust Him more this 2004.

 

Happy new year everyone!

 

 

posted by moonbeam at January 01, 2004 01:39 | link | comments (6)