#447

 

on a bus homebound, 10:45pm.

this is one of my favorite movies ever.
at this time of the night, i always get to have my favorite theater seat. as the bus starts to move,the show begins and i stare at the kaleidoscope of images from dimming lightbulbs to flashy neon lights, and all the people in between.

i stare at the glasswalled buildings and the rundown apartments and wonder about all the people in between.

once in a while the show is paused, and i watch the intermission of fellow passengers' yawns.

two rows ahead of me, she leans on her companion's left shoulder.

opposite my seat, he rests his head on the large box beside him.

another man pays his fare, and the bus conductor searches his belt bag for change.

i think of home and perhaps they all do too.

the light turns green.

the movie continues.

twenty minutes from now, i'll step off this bus and join all the people in between.

<stills from edward yang's Yi Yi>

posted by moonbeam at November 29, 2003 22:34 | link | comments (1)

the MG plate

i always end up with the meteor garden plate.

my mother won this METEOR GARDEN dining plate in one of her usual peer raffles. well according to her somebody just handed it to her, and, seeing everybody's envious stare on the prize, she accepted it. she's not a fan, she made it clear to us right from the start. whatever.

somehow the MG plate always finds its way to our dish rack. i tried to get rid of it by using it as our fruit plate, always at the center of our dining table when we're not using it and always removed when we're about to dine.

but no matter what happens, the plate always ends up on my part of the table. even if i shuffle it with the other plates. even if i myself am the one who prepared the table. once it takes hold of my part of the table,inevitability creeps in on me and i submit. i eat with my family, shancai,and the rest of F4.

the weird thing is, i'm slowly becoming used to eating on that plate. it really takes some time to get used to devouring the rice on your plate and slowly uncovering the faces of the meteor garden cast staring back at you. smiling, as if saying, good boy! you finished your plate. sheesh.

hmm. perhaps this is the stuff of good memories for future use. come to think of it, when i look back and think of the things of my childhood, most of the things i miss are those that irritated me back then. my small pedicab that always got flat-tired, the bad smell of a lunchbox after leaving it in the classroom over the weekend, and many other things that were so irritating back then.

perhaps 10 years from now, i'll look back to this year and remember the annoying MG plate and remember all the dishes my mom used to cook for us. and long for them again.

posted by moonbeam at November 18, 2003 23:16 | link | comments (3)

random thought #445

allergies

i woke up this morning with spots all over my face.

sheesh. allergies. i hate it when this happens. all the plans for the day suddenly stare at you, then they all voluntarily jump straight towards the trash can. o well.

everyone's preparing for church right now, and in the next few hours i'll be alone here in our house.

but honestly at this moment i'm far from being miserable. i stare at my face on the mirror and i admit that it's not a pleasant sight. but what makes me smile is the thought that i'm still me. haha. hey it's not profound.

don't you just love it when you have a big pimple dead center on your nose (big enough for people to call you rudolph) and your friends dont mind it? i do. it makes me feel really loved, and it's definitely not because of how i look but of who i am. come to think of it, it's a rare opportunity, finding out to what extent your friends will stick with you. :)

to those people who stuck with me through my bad pimple days, i affirm you!

well ok, today's case is different. it's an allergy this time.

hmm this reminds me of one of my favorite movies, alejandro amenabar's abre los ojos. if you still havent watched this one, you better! i can lend you my copy if you want.

o well. pray for my allergy, will ya?

posted by moonbeam at November 16, 2003 10:31 | link | comments (3)

from the How Old is Your Inner Child test:

My inner child is one year old! Everything is new to me. I like watching the world go by around me, and I don't sweat the small stuff--or the large stuff, either. Just so long as I stay warm and safe and dry, life's pretty good. ====================== Sheesh. Come on! Have you ever seen a sarcastic one year old child!? heehee. these online tests really are funny.

posted by moonbeam at November 15, 2003 23:23 | link | comments

 

from the personality test:

EXPERIMENTER
(Dominant Introvert Abstract Thinker )

Like just 4% of the population you are an EXPERIMENTER (DIAT). Although you're slightly shy (admit it!), you love control. When a problem comes in your way, you stomp on it swiftly and decisively. You are bothered easily by failure in others and failure in yourself. You don't like people that you don't think are intelligent. Rather than arguing with them, however, you would just as soon ignore them altogether. In relationships, you have a strong heart. And because you're introverted, people take you as someone they can trust. But the fact is that in addition to solving problems, you like to create them. So there's a decent chance that you'll cheat on a loved one. If you do, you'll likely get away with it. You're a good person at heart, but then again, who isn't? ================== So there's a decent chance that you'll cheat on a loved one. ---> hmmm. so. i have it in me. beware! stay away! hehehe joke.

posted by moonbeam at November 12, 2003 22:05 | link | comments

< haha i made some grammatical errors yesterday when i wrote signposts. i've already corrected those that i noticed. to all those who noticed them too, let's keep it a secret, ok? : ) naghahanap na ako ng trabaho para ndi pumurol ang utak ko. pramis. >

posted by moonbeam at November 11, 2003 22:17 | link | comments

signposts

suddenly it came to an end. i woke up the other morning and the weight was gone. perhaps i've gotten used to bearing it these past few months that when i prayed that particular morning, i felt so relieved.

i must have been a funny sight back then, arguing with God over certain things that suddenly became very important to me. but during those times, my arguments were so strong. i can't see why God would not give me the only thing that became dear to me.

these past few months i was abraham. each day was one step towards moriah. but unlike the real abraham, i made two steps backward for every step i took forward. everyday was a heated debate over why certain things have to be only either black or white, and why one day He answers prayers and the other day He revokes them.

and then the bucket of cold water on my head.

i cannot say that everything is clear to me now. the weight is gone, the bleeding has stopped. but i must admit that i still feel the pain.

but but but

the point is, i'm relieved. i'm back to square one, letting God take the reins. hmmm a while ago i was thinking of putting a tombstone on this day in my journal. of someone that i have just learned to let go of. but then again, i think it's not proper. perhaps i'll just place a signpost. then move on. i won't deny the fact that once in a while i might look back at that signpost and long for it. but i can't stay there forever.

Who knows? He in His goodness might take me back there, or might not.

Sheesh. Like what my friend and i were talking about a week ago, if ever i am entitled to marriage, God better make sure that she's worth all these heartaches.

i know, i know, it's a pathetic plea.

but heck, i mean every single word in that.

XS: don't you just love it when we're talking about very vague things? :)

posted by moonbeam at November 10, 2003 23:32 | link | comments (5)

new moon

if i cry tonight
i will cry
for all the other hundred sad reasons
i might think of
but not because of you.

if i cry tonight
perhaps i've remembered
the wounds i thought i've healed
or the scars i thought i never had

you are not supposed to comfort me.
you are to remain oblivious
and dismiss everything
as just another bad dream
that i'm having.

just for tonight
go back to your world
and as usual
i'll go to my corner
and lick my wounds
and cry myself to sleep

if i cry tonight
i will cry
for all the other hundred sad reasons
i might think of
but not because of you.

posted by moonbeam at November 07, 2003 22:57 | link | comments (1)

what i would give in exchange for a moment for us to return to our old selves,
talking as if it was just yesterday that we bid each other goodbye.

posted by moonbeam at November 01, 2003 11:05 | link | comments (3)